Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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