The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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