He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
