I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
