i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
