You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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