He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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