So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
