Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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