if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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