I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
