dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
