She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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