Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
