Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
