He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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