On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
