You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
