It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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