Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my shit smells like andre
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He shit in the fireplace
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
