You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
