why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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