Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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