Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
