party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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