The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize