everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
