Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Houston, we have a squirter
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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