Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
