You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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