He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
