Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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