I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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