I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The air was thick with penises
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
