Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
as a side note pls kill me
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