you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this just has baby written all over it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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