my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
