they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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