I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
