A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
