I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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