i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize