I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
