he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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