Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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