if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
