shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
