a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
