i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
did i walk over a car last night?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
