he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
