you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
