Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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