Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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