All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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