does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
