If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Never joke about your clitoris.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
