i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
