Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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