A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
