im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
