She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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