i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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