What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
