I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
