Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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