how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
