So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
