I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dicks are not precious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
