I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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