there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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