I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
