I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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