I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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